Category Archives: Articles

Flaccid Fallon Joke

Doing late night comedy is hard. Especially when you have the disability that is Jimmy Fallon. How he got the Tonight Show gig when it should rightfully go to Conan I don’t understand. Anyhow, the tonight show USED to have some sort of class to it. At least when Johnny Carson ran it. I never watched when that other guy took over.

It seems the other night Jimmy was struggling for some comedy, so he took to attacking one of the world’s best flute players, Robert Dick. Now, I can sorta see how you could riff off making fun of his last name, and that he has a book called “The Other Flute”. Ok, fine Jimmy. Penis jokes, yes, I don’t think they have ever been on the Tonight Show so up front. But then you took it too far by saying Robert looks like a dick. What the hell was that? Would Johnny Carson have done that? No.

Man up Jimmy and publicly apologize to Robert Dick, and have him on your show to make up. There is a petition going on here to make this possible. Over a thousand people have signed it.

The Sad Story Of Dave Valentin

This appeared in the NY Times about two weeks ago:

Now, he is mostly alone in his home. A stroke during a gig in March 2012 left him paralyzed on his right side, unable to walk, talk or lift his playing hand. Though he has recovered about 85 percent of his abilities, several fingers on his right hand are numb, and he cannot hold up his flute for long. Instead, he spends his days in a rented bungalow in Harding Park, a warren of twisty streets along the East River in the Bronx.

The sad truth is that we aren’t immortal. Playing music as a career is totally rewarding, but there is no safety net. No pension. No retirement package built in. Unless you, the artist, put those safety nets in. It’s easy when you have “a real job” because a lot of this stuff is taken from your paychecks before you get the final amount.

I’m not blaming Dave. I’m totally guilty of this too. If I had some life altering thing happen, like a stroke, I’d be in a way worse boat than him. I don’t have the accolades he has. And Dave is only 61, hardly retirement age for a top notch musician nowadays.

So, what can one take away from this? Plan ahead. Get some sort of retirement or savings happening now. When you get that $100 gig, put 10% or more of it away into some sort of account that you can’t readily access. Having SOMETHING to fall back upon is better than having absolutely nothing at all.

And best wishes to Dave. Still one of my favorite flute players.

Anchorman and Jazz Flute: Katisse Buckingham is Ron Burgundy


Katisse Buckingham is a woodwind multi-instrumentalist who has truly crafted his own sound. Fusing Jazz, Hip-Hop, World Music and Pop, his talent and unique style have brought music royalty to his door – Katisse has performed with Prince, Lionel Richie, Dr. Dre, Herbie Hancock, Andy Summers, and Vanessa Paradis among many others.

Unknown to many, Katisse was also the man behind the now infamous “Jazz Flute” scene in the Will Ferrell film, Anchorman. We were lucky enough to catch up with Katisse while on tour with The Zawinul Legacy Band in Vienna…

Good interview. If you like that sorta flute playing, check out one of my FAVORITE flute solos ever, Tom Scott playing flute on Threshold from Patrick Williams Threshold Album.

‘Saxophone Lung’

From an article in the Huffington Post:

A case study presented at the annual meeting of the American College of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology shows that it’s possible to develop allergic pulmonary disease, known as “Saxophone Lung,” in response to the mold that collects over time in woodwind instruments. Saxophone Lung is really a type of hypersensitivity pneumonitis, which is the inflammation of the lung tissue, according to the Mayo Clinic.

So, clean your horns out every now and then guys!

Craigslist Posting for a Piccolo….

Actual Craigslist posting.
4SP Silver Plated Gemienhardt Piccolo w: hard case

They call the trumpet “God’s Instrument.” The instrument that takes a month to learn and a lifetime to master. Forget that. I’m giving you the chance to own “Satan’s Instrument.” The instrument that takes a second to hate and a lifetime to get used to. If your goal is world domination, getting the ball rolling on the apocalypse, or simply disarming someone who’s a little too “rapey,” this miniature flute of terror will hold the game down. And how.

Brought to you by Lucifer himself, this 4SP Silver Plated Gemienhardt Piccolo will serve his evil minion well. From it’s compact arthritis-inducing body this pipe will unleash a sound that can bring entire crowds of people to their knees in pain and surrender. If you’re thinking of starting a bloody coup, leave the AK-47s and sarin gas at home son, this picc is all you need.

This instrument has the ability to sing an A five lines above the staff so crisp and clear that if you’re not careful may actually cleave your conductor’s brain clean in half. It’s highest note is one only dogs can hear, that composers have dubbed “X.”

Apart from the oboe, this is the only instrument able to kick a field goal of pain right between the goal posts of your unfortunate target’s neurons, resulting in synaptic misfires, blown mental fuses, and a complete breakdown of all left brain activity, leaving the right brain to writhe in pain and confusion whilst scrambling all bodily motor functions. Any soul unlucky enough to wind up on the business end of Beezulbub’s piccolo will instantly be reduced to the fetal position and revoked of their right to free will.

Aside from violating several Geneva Convention protocols, this wailing weaponry can produce frequencies that wreak havoc upon others by causing:
– sudden unexpected nosebleeds
– aphasia
– heart palpitations
– aneurisms
– loss of sanity
– unexplainable rage
– spontaneous combustion
– abandonment of the will to live
– anal leakage

It’s a common mistake to think that the piccolo also has side effects on it’s user. Many claim it causes acute narcissism, but in reality the only people drawn to this instrument are already delusionally narcissistic, have serial killer tendencies, and show traits as promising future dictators.

Because of this instrument, I now rule over my own sovereign island, where I preach from balconies and lounge in my throne poppin’ bottles while getting fanned with palm fronds waved by ridiculously hot cabana boys. Tomorrow’s forecast: Whatever the hell I want.

Since I’m livin’ the dream, I’m retiring from my reign of terror and passing on the torch. Being evil is an arduous, exhaustive effort, and this musical scepter cannot be played by your average whitebread vanilla villain. Only the most cunning, dextrous, morally ambiguous, and questionably sane may apply. Who among you is worthy?

$300 obo. Willing to throw in a box of gravel and ship.

Interesting Flute Site

I am addicted to RSS feeds. I was extremely sad when Google Reader was shut down in July. However, there have been a lot of replacements, and the one I currently use, NewsBlur, has been terrific. It helps me sift through nearly 900 sites. I am an information junkie.

In my travels on the RSS feeds, I came across a new site to me. Which is the Powell repair blog. There is a LOT of great information in there. Go spend some time and learn about flute repair, maintenance, and care.